and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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