i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
