epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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