So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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