Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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