Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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