my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
