quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
