So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
