you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
