Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
