Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize