im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
