girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
