I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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