Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
