And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
