I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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