all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
