I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
