If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
