Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
