I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
