i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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