the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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