Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
