Your face is a jimmy john
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
