Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
