just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
