I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
