remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
