anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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