i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
