I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
