my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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