I'm drive I can fine osifer
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
