My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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