I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
