if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
