Life is so much better after having sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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