I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
