so explain again why im purple
no
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
