im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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