I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
