Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
