I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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