he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex on a dog bed..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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