By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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