Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
