Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
