If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
