my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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