I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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