I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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