How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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