By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
