may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
