ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
