I wish I could teleport
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
