my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just google imaged poop.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
