and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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